Monday, December 19, 2005

How do you spell "awesome"? ESPN

Perhaps this is a shameless plug to get noticed by ESPN, and if they care and read this column, I am officially announcing my campaign to replace Bill Simmons. SportsGuy, I am coming after your job with more arcane pop culture references and a pocketful of quaaludes so whatcha gon' do?!!?

However, I may handicap my chances with what I'm going to write next. I can't go on the record wholesale in support of ESPN. I take the good with the bad. They are owned by Disney and use their position to assert a pretty lame agenda, like pushing the NBA (see Peter King's excellent MMQB column for the real origin of this thought) when they should actually be doing what ESPN Classic did all day Saturday, show a marathon of Big 10 Instant Classic games. So to summarize, I am sick and tired of Stewart Scott, his lazy eye and his Bryant Gumble ebonic, quips telling me what's cool, but I absolutely love ESPN Classic.

If you missed this weekend's two-day Instant Classic Marathon I feel very sorry for you. It was an excellent prelude into the Bowl Season which officially begins tomorrow with the very exciting New Orleans Bowl (they're playing football in New Orleans?) featuring Arkansas State and Southern Mississippi.

About the only thing I can say about those schools is that I think Brett Favre went to Southern Mississippi and Arkansas State is, like, the second best school in Arkansas. I probably won't be watching, haven't seen either shool play all season, but I'm picking Southern Miss based on the ghost of Favre putting the Indians down with sheer, old man strength 35-10.

Now, a final conceit. ESPN did trick me into watching a bit of the LA Lakers/Washington Wizards game on Friday night. (I was waiting for a friend, okay?) I really haven't seen an NBA game in a long time, but I was struck by one thing as I was watching Kobe thrown down points in his little black tights. Is there anyone more angry-looking than Kobe Bryant? Ray Liotta maybe. But there is rage simmering just below the surface in both of these men.

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