Take That ESPN Insider!

Last night my car was towed after a grump neighbor alleged that I was blocking his driveway. I'm feeling the weight of the man's foot on my neck, so I decided I've decided to strike back by egging said neighbor's house and doing my part to leak a little corporate content onto the blogosphere.

In events only related in my mind, Bruce Feldman just put out his pre-season Top 16 to add to the noisy littany of pre-season rankings out there. For those of you too cheap to subscribe to ESPN Insider, I'm writing with a leak of Feldman's top secret ranking in traditional, 5-7-5 haiku-condension format to avoid copyright infringement. Comments encouraged, as are personal Top 16s or more.

Here goes:

1.) West Virginia
returning back field
meets hungry o-line to feast
on weak big east slate

2.) Ohio State
mystery defense
troy smith is a real man
fear the sweatervest

3.) Auburn
they'll iron it out
on the ground in dixie's heart
where west is the best

4.) Notre Dame
ESPN loves
irish cock of brady quinn
smell a paper tiger?

5.) Texas
Rookie QBs vie
to fill a legend's old shoes
Mack Brown counts his cash

6.) Oklahoma
stout defense and
healthy adrian at back
make bob stoops hungry

7.) LSU
the bayou runs deep
but unless miles is god
there looms a road loss

8.) USC
matt leinart less troy
reloads with o-line and fast guys
but who will take snaps?

9.) Michigan
winds of coaching change
cool fans afire for wins
or lloyd carr's head rolls

10.) Miami
a fast ass defense
rocks like a hurricane can
larry sweats for wins

11.) Florida State
no coaching from old
man bowden means no problem at
all wit' d like this

12.) Georgia
get over the hump
you dawgs, but fat chance uga
the east bristles

13.) Cal
hippy dippy da
does flower power a new
champ for pac ten land?

14.) Florida
there's urban pride, sure
but a chris leak in the boat
may swamp the season

15.) Iowa
tate's the it boy in
the big ten, say media
who don't play football

16.) Louisville
as confucius said
its easy to win football
games in the big east

Just Missed the Cut: TCU, Penn State, Clemson, Texas Tech, Virginia Tech, Tennessee, Utah and Arizona State.

Jesus, writing 16 haikus is hard.